Common questions about online dating
Honest answers to what people actually ask before — and while — using a dating app: why they are exhausting, whether they work, how the free ones make money, and what your rights are in the EU. Written by the team behind E-Raiden, a free dating platform operated from Estonia. Where a number appears, its source and date are named.
Why am I so tired of dating apps?
Because most people are, and the design has something to do with it. In a 2024 Forbes Health survey of 1,000 US users, 79% of Gen Z respondents reported burnout from dating apps; a separate poll of 1,000 American users found 78% felt exhausted by them sometimes, often or always.
The most common reason people give is not rejection — it is "the inability to find a good connection", cited by around 40%. The exhaustion comes from effort that does not convert.
It is worth knowing that an app funded by subscriptions has an incentive that is not yours: it earns when you keep coming back, not when you leave because you met someone. That does not make everyone cynical, but it explains why the experience is built to be endless.
Do dating apps actually work?
They work, but the ratio is worse than the advertising implies. Reported averages put a typical user at around 90 minutes a day on the apps and about one date every two weeks.
The single thing that changes that ratio is how fast a promising conversation moves into the real world. Long text friendships feel productive and rarely convert.
If you are getting matches but no dates, the problem is usually not your profile — it is that nobody is suggesting a time and a place.
Why does nobody reply to my messages?
Usually because the message asked nothing. "Hi, how are you?" gives the other person no reason and no material to answer with.
Referring to one specific thing on their profile and asking something answerable works better than any opener template. It also proves you read it, which is rarer than it should be.
And some of it is not about you: many people match, get overwhelmed, and stop opening the app for a week. Silence is often nothing.
How can I meet someone without a dating app?
Through people who already know you, and through things you would do anyway. Both are slower per week and better per encounter, because someone has already vouched for the context.
Repeated exposure is what does the work: a weekly class, a club, a volunteer shift. Meeting the same people several times removes the pressure that makes a first date feel like an interview.
This is an honest answer even though it points away from us. If apps were the only way, nobody would feel exhausted by them.
Are dating apps worth paying for?
It depends entirely on what the payment buys. Paying to remove advertising is a straightforward trade. Paying to unlock messaging, or to see who liked you, means the free version was built to be frustrating on purpose.
Before paying, it is worth asking whether the paid tier fixes a problem the app created.
On E-Raiden every feature is free and the site is funded by advertising; the optional Premium subscription at €7.99 a year removes the ads and nothing else. People who do not pay have the same features, with more advertising.
Are there any genuinely free dating sites?
Yes, but "free" means different things and the difference matters. Some apps let you register for free and then charge to send a message or to see who liked you — the feature you actually came for sits behind the payment.
Others are free to use in full and are paid for by advertising. E-Raiden works this way: every feature is free, the site is supported by ads, and an optional Premium subscription at €7.99 a year removes the ads. It does not unlock anything — people who do not pay have the same features, with more advertising.
Before you sign up, the useful question is not "is it free" but "what happens when I try to send the first message".
How do free dating apps make money?
Three common ways: advertising, paid subscriptions that unlock features, and selling or sharing data with third parties.
Advertising and subscriptions are visible to you. Data sharing usually is not — it lives in the privacy policy. If an app is free, has no advertising and no paid tier, it is worth reading how it is funded before you upload a photo of your face.
In the EU, an app must tell you what it collects and why, and you can ask for a copy of it.
Do I have to pay to send messages on a dating site?
On many of them, yes — messaging is the most common feature to put behind a payment, along with seeing who liked you.
It is worth checking before you build a profile, because the cost of finding out later is that you have already invested the effort.
On E-Raiden messaging is free and so is seeing who liked you. The paid tier only removes advertising.
Is online dating safe?
It is as safe as the habits you bring to it. The risks that actually occur are romance fraud, people misrepresenting who they are, and pressure to move the conversation to another platform quickly.
Three habits cover most of it: meet in a public place the first time, tell someone where you are going, and never send money to someone you have not met — no matter how convincing the reason.
A request to move to WhatsApp or Telegram within the first few messages is the single most common opening move of a scam, because it takes you off a platform that can act on reports.
How can I tell if a dating profile is real?
Look for specifics. Real profiles contain particular, slightly awkward details — a job, a city, an opinion about something. Fake ones stay general and flattering.
Other signals: only one photo, or several photos that look professionally shot; a story that escalates emotionally very fast; reluctance to have a video call.
If you are unsure, ask for something small and specific that a stock photo cannot provide.
What should I write in a dating profile?
Something a stranger could ask you about. "I love travel and good food" describes almost everyone; "I am still annoyed about a bakery in Bologna that closed" gives someone a way to start.
Two or three real details beat a long list of adjectives. Photos where your face is visible and not obscured by sunglasses or a group work better than posed ones.
What you leave out matters too: you are not obliged to state your religion, orientation or health on a dating profile, and in the EU those categories have extra legal protection.
Am I too old for online dating?
No. The fastest growing group of people using dating platforms in Europe is over 50, and many are returning to it after a long relationship ended.
The practical difference is not the technology, it is the intent: people dating later tend to be clearer about what they want, which makes the early conversations shorter and more honest.
If the interface is the obstacle rather than the idea, that is a design failure, not yours.
How long does it take to meet someone on a dating app?
Longer than the advertising suggests and shorter than despair suggests. Weeks, usually, and the first few meetings are more likely to end in nothing than in something — which is not failure, it is the base rate.
The stretch that discourages most people is the one between "we are talking" and "we have met". It is worth deciding in advance how many messages you are willing to exchange before suggesting a time, so the decision is not made by inertia.
Anyone promising a shorter timeline is selling something.
What data do dating apps collect about me?
At minimum: your account details, your photos, your messages, and your approximate location. Many also record what you do — who you looked at, how long you paused, what you skipped.
Some collect what EU law calls special category data: sexual orientation, religion, health, ethnicity. Under the GDPR that requires your explicit and separate consent, it cannot be bundled into a general acceptance, and it must be optional.
You have the right to ask any of them for a copy of everything they hold on you, and to have it deleted.
How do I delete my dating profile and my data?
Deleting the app does not delete the account, and deleting the account does not always delete the data. They are three different things.
In the EU you can ask for erasure and the provider has to comply within a month, apart from records it is legally obliged to keep — accounting entries for a payment, for example.
A platform that makes deletion hard to find is telling you something about how it sees you.
Are dating apps in Europe different from elsewhere?
Legally, yes, and the differences are in your favour. The GDPR gives you access to your data and the right to have it deleted. The Digital Services Act requires a platform to tell you why it removed your content or restricted your account, and to give you a way to contest that decision.
If you buy a subscription as a consumer, you also have 14 days to withdraw from the contract without giving a reason.
These are not features a platform grants you. They are obligations it owes you.
What is E-Raiden?
A dating platform for adults, operated from the EU by GiBSeS OÜ, an Estonian company. Every feature is free and the site is funded by advertising; an optional Premium subscription at €7.99 a year removes the advertising and nothing else.
It is a young platform, which means a smaller community than the large incumbents — worth knowing before you sign up rather than after.
Sensitive information such as orientation or religious background is optional and requires separate consent, and you can export or delete everything at any time.